Mission Statement

Posted: March 7, 2012 by Sarge in Preparation

Everybody has a mission statement these days.  Most of them are cheeseball crap.

I’ve decided that I need a personal mission statement.  In reality, I would just take all of these quotes and make them into my mission:


But that seems too easy.  So here goes:

I will at all times consider my situation

I will work to continually prepare my family

I will encourage each member of my family to prepare themselves

I will spend my money in a way that increases my ability to survive

I will always lend a hand to others when possible, especially in hard times

I will do my best to joyfully undertake all tasks

I will not bow down to any man, or any government that would infringe upon my right to protect myself

I will expect no help from others, and demand nothing more than I have earned

I will not live my life in fear of the future


Some of this stuff is already built into me.  Some of it I may never achieve.  Either way, I’m going to prepare for what comes my way.  If it all goes to hell, and you happen to be on your way past, stop in for while, but don’t be offended if I keep one hand on my shotgun.




Why We Should Arm The Girl Scouts

Posted: March 5, 2012 by Barbie in Weapons and Tools

Did ya’ll see this shit?
In Fort Bend, Texas some sorry motherfucker snatched a cash box from a bunch of Girl Scouts selling cookies outside the Wal-Mart.
Two badass little girls from the troop ran him down in the parking lot and started punching the shit out of him.
Despite their ballsy attempt to recover the cash box, the thief got away and the scouts are out $200, which they’ll have to pay back to the cookie company. Worse, one of the girls sustained minor injuries when the asshole drove away, dragging her behind the car.
What kind of sick fuck steals money from Girl Scouts?
This? Is why we should arm the Girl Scouts. At the very least, provide them with pepper spray. Imagine what a shock the bastard would have gotten when he got hit in the face with a shot of aerosol-propelled capsaicin.
It would have been epic.
I’m so proud of those little girls for going after the thief, even if it was a dangerous and foolish thing to do. That took some serious balls (and a healthy dose of naivete). I can only hope that after learning the hard lesson that some people are pieces of shit, they’ll apply it in a positive way and eventually learn to protect themselves.
And that they’ll eventually decide to carry.
An armed society is a polite society.

Every Day Carry

Posted: March 1, 2012 by Sarge in Preparation, Weapons and Tools

Shit hit the fan yesterday.  Well, it did in my life.  My 9 hour work day turned into a 16 hour adventure.  By adventure I mean shitfest.  See, we’ve got all this new equipment coming in at work (75 million worth).  None of it works the way it is supposed to.  Therefore, I get to spend all my time at this equipment suppliers shop.  My desk is not at the shop.  I have stuff I need in my desk.  I don’t have shit at this shop.  Hell, there isn’t even a gas station within a couple miles of this place.

So here I am, at this shop.  I have to gather and analyze a bunch of data.  Luckily, I am somewhat prepared.  I carry a Zebra F-301 compact in my pocket, so I can write shit down.  I have to cut open a bunch of boxes of parts and shit, and NO ONE has a damn knife.  I do.  My employer said I’m not allowed.  I kindly said F U (in my head.  I wouldn’t say it out loud.  I need my job).  So I can cut open the boxes.  Terrific.  We worked until 11:15 pm.  Apparently no one else got hungry.  I did.  This is where I failed.  I had no extra food on me, or in my car.  I had a $20 bill.  Vending machines won’t eat 20’s.  I had 50 cents in my pocket.  This kept me to the bottom tier of vending machine food.  Thank God there were some bright orange crackers with “cheese” between them for 35 cents.  That was dinner.  I do always have a water bottle with me, so I did have something to wash them down with.

So shit hit the fan, in a small way.  I was somewhat prepared.  Next time, I will be more prepared.  I have a first aid kit in my car.  Now, I’m going to add a can of chili and some granola bars.  I will continue to carry a knife.  When not working, I keep a sidearm handy.  I always carry some cash, but I think I’ll start keeping some small bills tucked away just in case.  I might start carrying my multi-tool agian.

I like gadgets and shit, so I cruise the internet for cool stuff to carry around.  This site is all about every day carry gear, and I like peering into other peoples pockets in this manner:


This next site spends a little too much time on watches I can’t afford and  camera gear, but the guy does great reviews, and sometimes they come up with some awesome stuff (like titanium keychain rings).


Take some time and go back into the archives.  Thats where the good stuff is.



The Barbie Bug Out Bag

Posted: February 28, 2012 by Barbie in Bug-out Bag
Tags: ,

Honestly, I haven’t put a lot of effort into my bug out bag so far.  I’m sure that’s a deeply shameful thing to admit, but I’ve been planning with two major scenarios in mind:

1.  An extremely localized SHTF (think wildfire or hurricane) in which I can just hop in the car and drive across the state line to the Boy Scout’s house to wait it out.  In that case, my bug out kit basically needs to be a few changes of clothes, a day or two worth of dog food, road trip tunes, and a shitload of Skittles for the drive.

2.  A TEOTWAWKI situation where there’s not really anywhere else to go, so I might as well just bug the hell in and ride it out.  For that reason I’ve been stocking up on stuff I’ll need so the Chihuahua and I can just lock ‘er up tight and bug in.

I really haven’t prepared for some kind of ghillie suit wearing, machete swinging, Man vs Wild situation.  It’s not really my style.

Sorry, folks.  You’re not going to see me eating rattlesnake chitterlings anytime soon.

Leave me in my home situation, with my stockpile and my things, and I think I can survive for a pretty long time post SHTF.  If I have to go on some kind of wilderness adventure, I don’t see it ending well (nor do I really see a point).  I’ll do what I have to do to survive, but going feral is pretty much going to be my last resort.  That being said, my focus for the bug out bag is more along the lines of “what if I get stuck in really bad traffic during an evacuation and run out of gas.”

So let’s get down to the deets:

The bag is an old North Face backpack I picked up at a thrift shop for 2.99 – it’s got lots of room to store stuff, lots of hooks and straps to hang things from, and it’s super comfortable.  As an added bonus, it’s not overly tactical-looking so hopefully people will assume it’s full of clothes and lip gloss or something.  I’m pretty happy with it, espcially for the price.

And now for the contents.  So far, I’ve got:

Two pouches of tuna fish

A four day supply of dog food in Mylar with an O2 absorber

Four emergency Mylar blankets (actually, three blankets and one I made into a dog sleeping bag)

Two P-38 can openers (why, I’m not sure)

Two cheap emergency rain ponchos

A Zippo windproof lighter I scored off eBay

A tube of Burt’s Bees Lip Balm (go ahead and laugh)

A spare leash for the dog

A list of important phone numbers

Several Ziploc bags (for keeping things dry)

Spare socks and undies

A packet of baby wipes

A box of protein bars

Water purification tables

70 SPF sunscreen (seriously, I’m the whitest cracker on the beach – I’ve had sunburns that rendered me incapacitated for days)


Clearly, I’ve got work to do.  Without a lot of intense thought, I can already see where an LED head lamp would come in handy, and some cold gear like gloves and a hat are a necessity (70 degrees feels chilly to me).  I wouldn’t mind having a Katadyn water filter bottle either.  Some cheap sunglasses might be a lifesaver, too.  And some bug repellent, and maps, a basic first aid kit, more food…

We’ll be revisiting this.

Learning Survival Skills

Posted: February 25, 2012 by Sarge in Bug-out Bag, Survival Skills
Tags: , ,

As I think about what I’m going to load in my bug out bag(s), I tend to panic a little realizing that I am in no way a survivalist. I will never have a survival tv show, and I wont disappear into the woods for weeks on end to live off the land. I thought about buying tons of survival skills books and trying to learn everything I could.
Then I thought, “Fuck all that noise”. I have neither the time nor the patience for that. Once I decided I wasn’t going that route, I started trying to find another way to learn myself some useful stuff. I came up with a game plan.
There are probably a lot of people out there that are like me. You don’t have a ton of free time, and you couldn’t survive all that long on what you already know. So here is my proposal. Learn what you can, when you can, from whoever offers you any kind of knowledge. Stuff that will be vital, like basic lifesaving, you should memorize. We should all probably be able to make a fire using basic tools, as well. However, what about all that other stuff, like making shelters and creating traps to catch small animals? Try buying old military how-to books. The military put out all sorts of literature on survival, first aid, weapons maintenance and use, and anything else you can think of. These are typically paperback, and short and concise. There is no fluff. Pictures are simple and easy to follow.
I plan to buy them (they are typically cheap, and available at gun shows/surplus stores, and through mail order), and stash the small, useful ones in my BOB. I’ll read through ’em, or at least skim ’em first, so that I know whats there. My thought is that I will then have the information at hand, without having to memorize a ton of stuff.


These guys have some, but there are a lot more available.  I bought one for my SKS that covers maintenance and use.


So, last night the doorbell rang, the dog was losing his flipping mind, and I realized I should totally install a peephole in the front door.  Sometimes I’m curious about who’s on the other side, but not enough to risk opening the door to find out.  I get tired of the vacuum salesmen who offer me a four-pack of Charmin’ if I’ll just let them do their presentation.

Yes, I could totally use more shit tape to add to my cache, but I can get 24 rolls for like eight bucks, which means you’re offering me $1.33 to not only listen to an annoying presentation about a vacuum I don’t want, but to LET A STRANGE MAN INTO MY HOUSE.

Seriously, WTF are these people thinking?  Does anyone actually take the bait?

Also?  If it’s after dark and you haven’t called ahead of time, I’m not opening the door.  There are too many crazies out there, and I don’t want to have to answer my door with a loaded handgun every time, so that door is staying closed.

Anyway.  Back to the peephole.  If I want to see who’s at my door without actually opening it, I currently have to peek through the front window blinds like a crackhead.  So I was thinking, what if shit hits the fan and like a police officer comes to the door to tell me I need to evacuate and I don’t get the message because I think it’s the Jehova’s Witnesses and I don’t want to answer?

I was all set to go to Lowe’s and buy a peephole and a big ass drill bit when I started to think about it I realized that using a peephole after TEOTWAWKI is a surefire way to get yourself killed.  I mean, think about it like this.  You’re all bugged in, feeding on your stash of Cheetos and Twinkies and basically living it up.  And then one day, someone knocks on your front door.  You’re pretty sure it’s nobody you care to speak to, but curiosity gets the better of you.  Suddenly, just as you press your piggy little eye up to the peephole, BANG!  BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

You’re shot right through your own front door.  And then the shooter busts a window, climbs through, and suddenly *he’s* feasting on your Cheeto supply.

I’m serious, folks.  It could happen.

So now, I’ve started thinking about other ways to keep tight surveillance on my front porch.  I toyed with the idea of a camera system, but the minute the power goes out, you’re screwed. And then, I had an idea that borders upon genius. I need a fuckin’ parascope.

When I was a kid, we had this plastic periscope toy, and that thing was awesome.  You could totally sneak up on someone to spy on them, and provided they were deaf enough not to hear the giggling, it would totally work.  We used to sneak out of bed at night and use it to try to watch whatever my parents were watching on TV.

So I was thinking, if I could build a parascope and mount it into the front wall of the house, I could use that bitch to see who was at my door, without standing in front of the target zone myself.  I Googled “How To Make a Periscope out of PVC Pipe” and discovered I’m not the only jackass who has thought of this!  Literally, the third link that came up was about building a Periscope for your Bug Out Location. Damn, did I feel validated.  Make fun of me now, assholes.

As an added bonus, any leftover PVC could be used to build a potato cannon which could be a good nonlethal weapon for home defense (the downside?  launching your food supply 200 yards into the neighborhood).

Plus, I needed an excuse to huff PVC cement.

How Many Bug Out Bags Do I Need?

Posted: February 22, 2012 by Sarge in Uncategorized

As I sat in my tenth meeting today at work (They seem to pay me to move from meeting to meeting.  I provide no input, and give no reports.  I don’t take notes either), writing down all the things that seemed like they would be useful in a bug out bag, I came to a realization.  I want to pack way too much into my bag.  Most people talk about a bug out bag being for 72 hrs., but what if it becomes everything you have forever?

In the event of a “localized disaster”, like a hurricane or wildfire, I need a bag that can sustain me for a few days or a week until I can get back to my property and begin to rebuild.  What happens if we get hit by nukes?  What if the zombies start showing up one town over?  If the bag on my back is all I have to start over somewhere else, I’m going to cram everything I might ever have considered to be in any way useful into every available pouch on the damn thing.  Then I’m going to tie shit to the frame, and carabiner shit to that.

So what solution is there?  Do I just pack light and hope to get through, pack heavy and discard stuff if need be, or pack two bags, and pick one based on the situation?  As it stands now, I’m going to pack one bag, with more than I would need for 72 hrs. afield.  I have a limited budget, so there is no way I can afford to prep two bags.

My goal will be to include the types of things that I would need to feed myself off the land, protect my well-being, and keep myself as warm and dry as possible.  I might have to ratchet strap my bag to get it small enough to fit out the door, but I figure it’s easier to get rid of extra shit than it is to add shit you don’t have.



I finally had to call this little experiment of mine.  It’s not that I was out of food – on the contrary, I would have been good to go for another week or more.  I just couldn’t stand any more.  I hadn’t had a real fruit or vegetable in two weeks.  Sure, there had been tomato sauce on my tortellini, which fulfilled the nutritional requirement.  But it’s just not the same as eating a real tomato.  I needed a salad.  Bad.
So, today I was walking through the breakroom with my lunch bag full of chili and rice, and someone was peeling an orange.  I didn’t see it, but I could smell it. I almost started drooling.
I haven’t had an orange in over a month.  Usually, I eat a couple a day. The smell?  It was killing me.And I got to thinking, what if shit hits the fan on Thursday?  What if I never get the chance to eat another orange because I was too busy doing some dumbass experiment right before it all fell apart? 
Wouldn’t it suck if I spent the last of the time when I had access to more than beans and rice, EATING BEANS AND RICE?
So, on the way home from work, I went grocery shopping. 
Folks, it was a great project.  I’m glad I did it for a month.  I learned *so* much about myself, and what I need to store to get by.  I learned that I could eat chili every single day and not get tired of it.  I learned that I can eat a can of kidney beans, right out of the tin, and love every bite.  I also learned not to take an orange for granted.
Honestly?  I would encourage anyone to try this at home.  And then take what they learned and apply it, in their preps and otherwise. And then?  Live a little. Not a lot.  Don’t go blowing your savings on jetskis and champagne, just appreciate what you’ve got. The world as we know it may not last.  Enjoy it.  Because when it’s all over, there will be plenty of time to eat beans and rice.

Board Games

Posted: February 20, 2012 by boyscout556 in Preparation
Tags: , , ,

Yes, board games.  These will be some of the items I will pack in my bomb shelter when I finally have the time, money, and place to build one.  Lets face it, you can have all the food in the world, along with all the necessities for survival, but being stuck in a room the size of a hotel room will drive you crazy.  That is unless you’re like the guy from the movie rocketman.  Otherwise, you should think about packing some things to keep you busy: board games.  A deck of cards or three might be a good idea also, anything that will occupy you when you have no where to go and nothing else to do.   Although this all only works if you have friends, and lets face it if you actually have friends you wouldn’t spend all your money on a bomb shelter.  So, I guess, rethinking this maybe books would be better.   Either way, think about the down time you’ll have after the SHTF and figure out how you’re going to spend it without going insane.   I realize these wont be necessary in a BoB or BoV as surviving will be taking most of your time, and the rest should probably be spent resting.  But keep in mind that if you’re stuck somewhere, having something to do will make the time go a lot faster.  Surviving TEOTWAWKI is more than just having the supplies, it’s a mental marathon.

How am I supposed to decide if I need to bug out, or stay put and settle in?  I had no idea how to answer the question, so I did what I do at work all day anyway.  I made Excel spreadsheets.  Why the hell not.  First, I built a spreadsheet that calculates a value for bugging out versus a value for staying put.  My idea was that the higher value would be the right choice.  I used things that I thought might affect the decision, dealing with preparation, availability of resources, etc.  I then averaged them for two groups, the stay and the bug out.  I then divided them by another factor, based on relative closeness to a major population center, and number of people in that population center.  Lets be honest, cities are going to be absolute mayhem when SHTF (Think post Katrina New Orleans).  I filled out the spreadsheet for my values, and this is what I came up with.

Then, just toying around, I built a table, creating a score for distance vs. population, where a higher score is achieved the further you are from a city, and the smaller that city is.  I then created two graphs to compare the effects of changing either distance or population changes.  Check it out.

There is no science invovled in either of these.  I don’t give a shit.  If you want a copy of either to toy around with, or if you have suggestions on how I could improve either, shoot me an email at survivorsarge@gmail.com.