Posts Tagged ‘pandemic’

I was thinking about condoms recently.  Dont ask me why, but I started to think about what you can use them for.  I know fornication is the first thing that comes to everybody’s mind, but they can be used for other things.  It’s true!  If you think about what a condom was originally meant to do (keep two fluids separate, looking at it from a scientific standpoint) you realize that it has a lot of applications.  Ever been pushed into a pool and thought “man I wish my “insert electronic device” here was waterproof”?  Well a condom can be used to keep small things dry.  Lets say you have a watch that you’re fond of, but you need to ford a river.  If you had a few condoms in your BoB you could wrap up your watch to protect it.  really anything smaller than, well you know, can be stored in a condom to keep it dry and actually on second thought condoms have an amazing amount of stretch.  I mean check out this video of a kid pulling one over his head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vle-tpbJPs&feature=fvst.  You can store small fire arms in them to prevent rust or keep dirt out of the barrel of your rifle/shotgun.  Conversely if you need to keep something moist for some reason (I’m drawing a blank right now on something that needs to be kept moist other than cake, and I wouldn’t even go that far, but I suppose that you could do that experiment you do in first grade where you germinate some seeds in a bag except use a condom instead) it can be put into a condom for storage.  Condoms can also be used for water collection/storage.  Obviously they are not indestructible, or even particularly strong but they allow you to collect a sizable amount of water.  Condoms are extremely small and lightweight.  They can be easily stored and transported.  They are impermeable.  I mean really the uses are endless.  Laugh if you want but I going to keep a few with me.  And finally don’t forget to wrap you tool.

But really, don’t take my work for it.  Take his: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vle-tpbJPs&feature=fvst

On a side note I suggest un-lubricated latex condoms, otherwise things could get messy.

Advertisements

Watch Out For The Earache Pandemic

Posted: February 15, 2012 by Barbie in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

So, I realize the connection here to prepping is sketchy at best, but I’m feeling a bit rant-y, so you’ll have to bear with me.
For the past three Mondays in a row, one of my coworkers has called in sick. Do you want to take any guesses as to who ends up taking care of his work while he’s out?
Yep.
Anyway, this past Monday my manager informed me that this guy (we’ll call him Brian) had called in with an earache, so I’d need to figure out what he was working on and make sure everything that needed to be done got done.  At least, I think that’s what he said.  I didn’t hear anything beyond earache, so I’m kind of fuzzy on the rest of the sentence.
Seriously?  He called in for an earache.  Am I the only one who sees something wrong here?
I don’t consider myself to be particularly tough.  In fact, I’m kind of a candyass.  But I have never, ever, missed work because I had a freakin’ earache.  A day of kindergarten?  Possibly.  But work?  Hell no!  In fact, I have a very limited list of things I’d miss work over.  Ready?
Barbie’s List of Reasons To Miss Work
1.  Vomiting more than once.  
2.  Diarrhea of a severity where I’m concerned I might have “an accident.”
3.  Bronchitis or Pneumonia if accompanied by a fever over 100 degrees.
4.  An excellent shoe sale at Nordstrom’s
On second thought, any respectable girl would know about that last one weeks in advance – plenty of time to schedule a vacation day.  I wouldn’t call in sick over it (plus, I can get to Nordstrom.com from my cube).
My point?  Primarily I needed to vent about my whiny-ass coworker.
But also?  If you have to call in sick over an earache, you’re gonna be screwed when the pandemic hits.  When the CDC boards up your house and keeps you in quarantine, nobody’s gonna be there to bring you Gatorade and Saltines. You’re going to have to man up and take care of yourself. 
So really?  Buck up, little cowboy.  Take some Children’s Tylenol, call your pediatrician, and then man up and COME TO FUCKING WORK!
The economy is counting on you.